Do Demisexuals Experiment?

DEMIsexuals (DS), it is said, must form an emotional bond with another person in order to feel sexually attracted, to be aroused.

Well, everyone does this, you all chorus.

Yes, but.

I've always imagined that the required 'emotional bond' is a positive one. But, more generally, there must be sufficient positive-emotion bonds, and no negative-emotion-inducing interactions. Only then do sexual feelings arise.

Now, we do all have these feelings, too - but here I want to come to what I see as the downside for the DS.

I believe that allosexuals (here, non-demisexuals) feel these emotional pushes and pulls concurrently. They feels the positives and the negatives and the purely sexual, together, at the same time, independently. What the DS feels is just one thing - am I attracted or not? The sexual category cannot exist on its own. (DS do not fall for screen idols, for instance.) And also, I believe, there is a third category, the 'unknown' emotional element - ie there are naturally parts that we don't know about a person, and if these aspects aren't known, they haven't been experienced, and they are deemed suffuiciently important, the sexual element of the attraction is similarly killed off.

I hazard a guess that DS don't have so much difficulty when over time a partner changes and becomes say, obnoxious, because it is more likely that all desire will be killed. Not even the sexual part will remain. It may be easier to walk away.

However, the greatest downside to the DS is the lack of opportunity for experimentation. Many of the emotions that I have talked about, the positives or the negatives, can for many people be worked through, negotiated, explained, tried, tested and retried again, forgiven, etc. But for the DS, the presence of one of these hurdles represents a stumbling block, since desire is killed before the race has begun. To this extent, the DS is stuck, and this is probably the reason why many find very few sexual partners during their lifetime.

Now this trend may apply to many aspects of a person's psychology, not just sexuality. And it could be that experimentation is difficult in these areas, too. Once one problem rears its ugly head, avenues are cut off by the unconscious psyche. 

When emotions are not felt particularly keenly, they can be blotted out by others. This is something we may be able to work on.